“Anyone whose goal is 'something higher' must expect someday to suffer vertigo. What is vertigo? Fear of falling? No, Vertigo is something other than fear of falling. It is the voice of the emptiness below us which tempts and lures us, it is the desire to fall, against which, terrified, we defend ourselves.”
— Milan Kundera, ‘The Unbearable Lightness of Being’
Can you imagine the fear of working your entire life, I mean multiple decades— for the opportunity to perform your art once in front of the entire world? Imagine the pressure, the expectation, the emotion, the sheer magnitude that inflates itself into the bulging enormity of the moment.
I’m talking of course, about the athletes competing at the Paris Olympics.
It’s a curious thing, to prepare your entire life for one fleeting moment. It’s even more curious, to see people you know, trained and competed with, take the stage and give it all they’ve got. Alongside the pride and joy that fills me as I watch these long-lost training partners do what they do best, it makes me wonder why they made it to this pinnacle.
Training as an elite gymnast for over ten years, I watched athletes come and go. I saw some that were more talented than the men that made it to Paris, back when they competed as juniors. I saw athletes who were stronger, faster, more fearless than all of these new Olympians. Yet they didn’t last, they fell off, they didn’t make it— why?
I don’t know. Not entirely. Yet one thing is abundantly clear, these athletes held onto their Olympic dreams for decades before they ever showed signs of coming true. We have to remember that once these dreams seemed nothing but far-flung fantasies to anyone who cared to listen to their ambitious yearning. And yet, they persevered.
We need the confidence to take the next step, more than we need the confidence to achieve our eventual goal. When we focus only on our goal, getting there seems impossible. Vertigo kicks in when we aim up beyond our reach because by trying to achieve great success, we similarly introduce the potential for catastrophic failure.
It’s not too dissimilar to standing at the edge of a rooftop, peering over its edge and letting our eyes flutter down towards the ground. Looking down, you may even imagine yourself falling, and feel a magnetism pull you towards the earth. This feeling is both perplexing and exhilarating. This is the same feeling we experience when envisioning ‘something higher’— because we find ourselves at the crux between the highest high and the lowest low.
What prevents us from succumbing to the allure of ‘the fall’ that pulls at us when we pursue our lofty goals, is a single character trait: self-reliance.
There is a voice we hear in solitude that grows faint and inaudible as we enter the external world. To be self-reliant means hearing your inner voice in perfect sweetness above the bulbous commotion of a crowded street.
“A man should learn to detect and watch that gleam of light which flashes across his mind from within, more than the lustre of the firmament of bards and sages […] nothing is sacred but the integrity of your own mind.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson, ‘Self-Reliance’
True self-reliance is developing a relationship with yourself which manifests as a ubiquitous birds-eye-view in all situations, which remains, like a great friend looking out for you, always.
It means treating your inner voice as a sacred guide; an amalgamation of self-belief, proactivity, self-companionship, faith, trust and love.
In the truest sense, self-reliance is armour for our character, built upon the comforting knowledge that we’ve got our own back. Practising self-reliance allows us to transcend the magnitude of achieving our goal tomorrow, and instead, find purpose in taking the next step towards our goal today.
Thank you for reading. The essay, ‘Self-reliance’ by Ralph Waldo Emerson found me at the perfect time many years ago. Each and every sentence felt packed with so much valuable knowledge that I read and re-read it many times. This is my attempt at reengaging with the subject matter. If the ideas in this essay resonated with you, I highly recommend you check out his collection of essays.
If you like this format of author inspired essays, check out similar pieces that I wrote, a piece of auto-fiction inspired by Saul Bellow and a travel essay inspired by Joan Didion. Want more essays on the pursuit of artistic endeavours? Check out, archive.
Bluezone {Philosophical Musings On Artistic Pursuit}
Leave a Like. — If you enjoyed this post, please click the ❤️ below. It really helps support my work.
Spread the Love. — If you want to make my day, share it with a friend
Talk to me. — If you want to talk to me directly, reach out. Reply to this email or leave a comment.
Till next time.
-IL
Interesting reading, as usual. It will be great if you could ask every one and each of your colleagues and yourself, why they stay or why they quitted... the variety of answers can be so huge, one could be surprise. Many times is not quitting, fear or lack of reliance, it is just change of path. Often it requires the same self reliance to stay in a path as it takes to change path. Looking forward to your next post
This is so good! Unless we take action, nothing can happen.