27 lessons I learnt at 27.
Lessons Pondered In Nature.
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i. Prelude.
With unspoken desire in my chest, I pray the forest can un-dull my heart. Perhaps if the wind blows hard enough and the sun makes the splashing water glitter with enough fervour, the city’s cobwebs would get whisked away and disintegrate into nothingness. With enough time in nature, I’m made to feel small again, like a pebble in a gushing river. I emerge renewed, refreshed, and just a little bit older.
Earlier this week, I turned twenty-seven. The day before my birthday, my girlfriend organised a great escape from the city which led us to a rented home between a valley where the mountains meet the ocean. Divorced from city flats, trains and artificial lights I could ponder quite peacefully a new lap around the sun.
Twenty-seven feels like a great age, an age that I believed as a child was ‘grown up’— by then, I’ll have it all figured out, I thought. Yet now that I’m here and more life has passed in front of my eyes, I realise that hardly anyone ever figures it out and that almost no one actually, grows up.
People get older, they honour their bank accounts, discuss insurance plans over dinner, find parking spaces, get married and have children, but they don’t grow up. In the words of Maya Angelou, “To grow up costs the earth. It means you take responsibility for the time you take up, for the space you occupy”— how many of us actually do this?
Like a tree considering its branches in the reflection of a puddle, growing up means taking a long hard look at ourselves, and deciding where it is we’d like to grow towards. To grow up, suggests an elevation, an eminence in perspective, demeanour, competence and emotional intelligence, in empathy, compassion, self-awareness, and humility. Our journeys shape us in synchronicity with the world. The two are not mutually exclusive.
At the birthdays of friends, I’m normally the guy who asks what it is they’ve learnt now that they’ve reached this age. Many times I’ll receive an eye-roll, a witty joke, a frozen silence and sometimes, a serious answer. So this year, to put myself in the headlights of my own questioning I decided to figure out what it is that I’ve learnt, in the hopes that it may provide some clarity, reflection and new direction.
I will caveat this list by admitting that although these are lessons that I have learnt, I continue to re-learn them. Many lessons seem to get absorbed in deeper and darker shades the more experience we gain.
ii. 27 lessons I learnt at 27.
#1. — Self-belief is free.
It won’t cost you a cent.
Believe in yourself like you’ve visited the future and seen a great miracle, then allow the world to catch up.
In the realm of doubt, this is jet fuel to better days.
#2. — Kindness is free.
An act of kindness at the right time can change someone’s life.
It’s an investment that requires no upfront capital yet provides infinite reward.
It’s one of the greatest things about human beings.
#3. Simplicity is the greatest sophistication.
As a filmmaker, there can be a tendency to overcomplicate.
People want the latest piece of high-tech, to create complex edits, to over-shoot footage in a way that makes the product excessive and scattered.
I love Rick Rubin’s approach to producing music, calling it ‘reducing.’
It’s the taking away that allows the essential elements to shine through.
Since learning this, I always try to think:
“How can I tell this story in one shot?”
#4. Always go a little further than you think you can.
I always try to search for that feeling of
‘I’m not sure I can pull this off’
because that’s the best way to learn.
You’ll get way closer than you would if you never dared to try.
#5. The only games worth playing are infinite games.
There are certain games that we can never win.
These are called infinite games.
Things like:
Marriage.
Mastering your craft.
Becoming stronger.
These games matter most because you won’t receive a trophy when you do it right.
You’ll simply become a better version of yourself.
#6. Action speaks louder than words.
Action will silence the greatest orator by the simplicity of its truth.
#7. No one remembers what you’ve done, only how you made them feel.
Moments are memorable not because of the truth of their occurrence but instead for the feelings they evoke.
If you want to have a positive impact, be mindful of the way you make others feel.
#8. Start before you’re ready.
Action is the greatest teacher.
#9. There’s no difference between your mind and your body.
If you feel stuck, stretch.
If you’re uninspired, perspire.
If you’re depressed, try to express.
If you want to feel joy, try to become lighter.
In the West, we believe the body and mind are separate.
I am not sure this is true.
By treating mind and body as one, we balance the needs of both in a more unified way.
#10. Pick your battles
Not every battle is worth fighting.
We only have so much bandwidth to give.
Spend energy on the things that truly matter.
#11. Try to fail > failing to try.
Trying to fail is harder than you think.
It releases the pressure.
It allows things to flow.
Failing to try is a void of what-ifs.
#12. Get outside every day.
Be in the world.
#13. Attention is love.
Love is a four-letter word, and it means something different to everyone.
All human desire stems from the need to love and be loved.
Every action towards desire is a move towards love.
Every action requires attention.
Attention is love.
#14. Process > Product.
Treating the process as the trophy is a never-ending win.
Besides.
I want to be an artist to create.
Not to have created.
#15. Talk to strangers.
Treat the world like it owes you a story.
Then go out and search for it.
#16. We become what we think we are.
Kurt Vonnegut said.
“We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be.”
If you don’t like who you are,
pretend you’re something else.
We become what we think we are.
#17. Never create and analyse at the same time.
To create and analyse at the same time
is like letting the grass grow while mowing the lawn.
Treat the two as separate processes.
#18. Extreme ownership.
Own up to your mistakes.
Take ownership of your life.
People will trust you more.
And if you want to trust them, give them ownership.
#19. Discipline is freedom.
The peace that comes from knowing that you will do what you say you will do,
is freedom in and of itself.
#20. Treat everything as an experiment.
Decrease the importance of the outcome.
Just try something new.
#21. Happiness is lighter than you think.
Instead of trying to be happy.
Just let yourself be light.
The two are very close.
#22. People are always one step behind what you know you can do.
Show them.
#22. Most problems are solved by time.
Give up worry as much as possible.
#23. Learn the rules so you can break them.
Understand the rules of the game.
Then you know which rules are useful, and which are not.
Discard the rules to create beyond the norm.
#24. Turn outward desire into inward attention.
You will glow.
#25. Stillness is the greatest teacher.
Stillness never interrupts.
Stillness always listens.
Listen to the stillness.
And wisdom will be found.
#26. Perfection is a trap.
Embrace flaws.
#27. Positive Reframing changes everything.
We can justify almost anything.
Be mindful of the stories you tell yourself.
If you don’t like it.
Re-frame your story.
iii. Postlude
Basking beneath a dome of mountain air; silky ocean breezes and the liberating freedom of having not a single bar of service on my phone, I ponder the status quo of the electric anxiety woven into my city life. In the vastness of the countryside, it all feels like a strange, absurd joke— this relentless push to rush, desire, and keep moving on as if our lives depend on it.
The city spins a seductive spell, whispering: don’t grow up, cling to youth, even if it outgrows you. Yet what if growing up isn’t so bad after all? What if it doesn’t have to mean having everything figured out? While I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s mastered the art of growing up, striving to better ourselves is surely an equally noble pursuit.
I really really loved this! What a beautiful reflection! So many lessons learnt over the years and taught in just a post! Xx
Keep it up!
Great piece Ilan! It's funny, I'm gonna turn 26 on Tuesday and, ironically, I'm heading away from rural obscurity to London for a couple days!
I think you’re spot on—physical aging and spiritual growth don’t always go hand in hand, even though it totally feels like they should. It took me far too long to realise that getting older doesn’t automatically mean getting wiser.
True growth happens when we actively expand our consciousness—and that requires deliberate effort. As you so perfectly said, "treat the world like it owes you a story." We have to venture into the belly of the beast every now and then to find the elixir. This applies to both creative pursuits and life itself.